“How are you today?”, was the original title of this piece. Its first sentence would have read: “Probably not too well given circumstances.” Then I would have explained how I just needed to write something, quickly, like in the old days a couple of blogs back at a time something like this was just called a blog and there was still some hope in this so utterly miserable world. But then I was reminded of a very recent Flemish tradition: to have a 24/7 radioshow called ‘The Warmest Week’ dedicated to donating to some good cause (this year it is about invisible diseases). The thing is - whilst I do not feel too bad myself here and now - this kind of thing really ticks me well off. I get it, people want a warm and fuzzy feeling (whatever that may be, I have no personal experience with that type of feeling) in this the coldest and darkest week of the year. Still, I mostly don’t get it, unless the invisible disease is that of an overdose of self-righteousness which needs the yearly antidote of a needle of concentrated complacency right in the heart.
Now you can think I am an Ebenezer Scrooge all you like, the fact is that as an autistic kid I kind of did feel for that man. Not the miserly aspect of him, but the man upset at all the hassle of yearly traditions of warmth and fuzziness. I hated such special days in which one had to feel happy like I hate anything partly composed of a verb phrase that carries a conjugation of ‘have to’, specifically if almost all other human beings seem to not feel like they have to. If you think I am being a killjoy I counsel you not to read on. Just think to yourself: “How unlucky JoB is to have this invisible disease of autism in a way that stops him from enjoying Xmas.” And I will grant you autism does not always lead to this unfortunate symptom. My kids for instance after growing up with a father that banned Xmas trees, carols and in fact ‘The Warmest Week’ have taken a liking to Xmas trees. And other autistics I am sure - blessed be their souls which I do not deny them - find the yearly ritual as riveting as flapping their hands in excitement.
Back to Scrooge, the miserly aspect of him. Imagine you are European in the sense of having forefathers born in a land that originated Xmas. Imagine that the world burns in the aftermath of your forefathers scorching the earth anywhere they encountered a bunch of non-Europeans. Imagine that the world burns because your forefathers have capitalized the spoils they extorted from non-Europeans and that is now our privilege which we feel a need to protect at all cost. Imagine further that European-Americans are name-calling European-Europeans to be X - X being a word your forefathers used to criminalize people with an invisible ‘disease’ that meant they were too sensitive to just scorch other people’s lands. And imagine finally that a new consensus grows that Europe needs to become the fortress of civilization again having a military-industrial that dwarfs its education investment. I put to you that when this imagination isn’t too far off from current reality then this is truly ‘The Coldest Week’ on record.
So there it is: all this ticks me off not just because I am an autistic that does not see a point in ‘having to’ be happy at regular collective moments of merriment. It ticks me off because it is downright hypocritical. Not mainly because those suffering invisible ‘diseases’ do not get a lot of warmth out of this collective moment of merriment given it is precisely such collective moments that make them go cold inside (either because they cannot partake in it or they do partake in it making invisible that what would be seen by others as killing their joy). No, mainly because we voted and will vote for this fortress Europe and we will rationalize that vote saying: now the US has gone over to the dark side, it is up to us to protect civilization. No thought goes to earth-scorching or capitalizing spoils or protecting privilege. No, by god we will show we are not X’es and to the dark side we return. Small wonder we want our antidote needle to our cold heart tokenizing invisible ‘diseases’, simultaneously further desensitizing our world.
I’m sure at this point I can just hear the people not having read this killjoy post going “Ho-Ho-Ho, we don’t vote that way” and putting their hands up in the air as if saying “It is not our fault, why do you deny us our merriment, we feel sad as well about all of this misery, you know”. To which I retort: “What I am saying is that it is MY fault. My fault for carrying on and not drawing the line.” It is my fault for writing this post on a rather invisible corner of the internet instead of yelling that we Europeans are miserly misery-creating and misery-prolonging uncivilized brats that just do not want to grow out of our sugar addiction which is thinking the sun is shining out of our asses. There, I needed to write something quickly - and I did. And now I feel guilty for all those fine people who carry no individual guilt and are really entitled to their merriment as all of us - humans and non-humans alike - really are. Then again, few of them will read this post. Those who do may realize it comes from a truly warm feeling in truly cold times.
JoB, spot on. ❤️✊🏻
(Walg ook van die warmste week... Al ondervind ik er gelukkig weinig van, vanop deze afstand.)